WE HAVE COME a long way when it comes to Easter egg prices.

As far as I remember, in my childhood the most common Easter egg promotion was three medium eggs for €10. Today, walk into any Spar and you’ll find that the leading promotion at present is three medium eggs for €5.

Mind you, the size of the eggs has been greatly reduced to probably about half the size they were ten years ago, but it’s still not bad going. You get a decent amount of chocolate for €5. More than enough for one sitting.

So with that in mind, allow me to introduce the most ridiculous Easter egg of all time

Brown Thomas Brown Thomas

Each of the medium eggs and their contents weigh around 140g. So that brings us to our first question about the €400 Easter egg.

Who wants 4.3kg worth of chocolate? Who is ever going to polish that off?

In regards to weight, this is the equivalent of 30 medium supermarket Easter eggs. I haven’t had a single Easter egg yet this year, but my stomach already hurts me from imagining consuming such an outrageous volume of chocolate.

Is this egg designed to be shared between 30 people? Even then it works out as €13 per person which is pretty poor value for 140g of chocolate.

For reference, a 140g Lindt giant carrot costs about €7.00 in a supermarket.

Lindt Lindt

Is stuff not supposed to be cheaper when you buy it in bulk? Fine, whatever let’s just move on there’s still a lot to unpack here.

Why haven’t they placed it beside anything to give us an indication of scale?

I’m having a lot of trouble trying to gauge the size of this thing. For all we know it could just be the size of a normal Easter egg and feel as though it was made from lead.

It could be 1 foot tall. It could be 4 feet tall. Who’s to say this thing isn’t 6 feet tall? The dimensions of this hefty egg are unavailable on the Brown Thomas site. In fact this is all of the sizing information they provide on the website.

Brown Thomas Brown Thomas

‘May contain almonds’ I’m not the slightest bit surprised. At that weight anything could be inside of it. A pair of shoes? A horse? A toolbox? 4.3kg is the same as 9.4lbs. That’s probably more than any of us weighed when we were first born.

Why is this available to buy online?

Who is the poor post man who has to lug around the giant (or tiny and heavy as lead) egg? Is he built like Cormac from Tallafornia? Is finding a strong postman included in the price?

Why do they only offer one colour option?

Brown Thomas Brown Thomas

For €400 this should be customizable in every single way imaginable.

Let’s break down the ‘Style Notes’ section

An Easter Egg of mammoth proportions, gift Lindt Chocolate’s Noccior Latte XXL Egg to a loved one with an indefatigable sweet tooth.

Indefatigable. Indefatigable. Did they really just use the word indefatigable to talk about an Easter egg?

The cost of this egg is beginning to make sense when you factor in they need 1) Cormac from Tallafornia to deliver it and 2) an ageing French novelist to write the style notes on this thing.

Created by master chocolatiers, this egg is a spectacular blend of milk chocolate and hazelnuts that comes lavishly presented in holiday wrapping on a coordinating base. An Easter egg for a truly memorable holiday.

An Easter egg for a truly memorable holiday. You know what, I’m actually not even going to argue there. Who’s going to forget the year they dropped €400 on an Easter egg?

In reality, the type of person who would spend €400 on an Easter egg is the exact type of bougie person who would never cherish the memory of doing so. They probably didn’t even notice how much they spent.

I’ll be sticking to my little three for a fiver eggs (maybe I’ll even splash out on one of the €10 Kinder ones) and will enjoy them more knowing they didn’t cost the same amount of money as a 2003 Fiat Punto.

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